AI's ALTRUISMS -- version 1.31
LIEBERMAN'S LAW Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.	FIRST LAW OF HISTORY History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
O'REILLY'S LAW OF THE KITCHEN Cleanliness is next to impossible.	LYNCH'S LAW When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
DENNISTON'S LAW Virtue is its own punishment.	THE GOLDEN RULE He who has the gold makes the rules.
GLYME'S FORMULA FOR SUCCESS The secret of success is sincerity. Once you learn to fake that you've got it made.	THE SAUSAGE PRINCIPLE People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.
GOLD'S LAW If the shoe fits, it's ugly.	HARRISON'S POSTULATE For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
HANDY GUIDE TO MODERN SCIENCE If it's green or it wiggles, it's Biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it's pretentious, it's Computer Science (and most probably Artificial Intelligence). If it doesn't work, it's Physics.	HALON'S ADMONITION Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
CONWAY'S LAW In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.	AI'S LAW OF ATTRACTION OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS Once an unfortunate event occurs it attracts others of its kind. (Or unfortunate events are strong attractors).
GREEN'S LAW OF DEBATE Anything is possible when you don't know what you are talking about.	AI'S LAW OF INOPPORTUNE TIMING A desirable event tends to occur a bit too soon or a bit too late. (Or desirable events are weak repellers)
STEWART'S LAW OF RETROACTION It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.	AI'S HEURISTIC ON OPPORTUNITY There is profit in confusion.
AL CAPONE ON KINDNESS You can get more with kind words and a gun than with kind words alone.	ON THE SPIRITUALITY OF THE PIOUS -- AI The ingenuity of the over-righteous is the 8th wonder of the world.
WILDE'S LAW OF ATTRIBUTION Mediocrity borrows but genius steals (So proper attribution is the cornerstone of good scholarship).	MILLER ON ITALIAN CUISINE The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again.
MENCKEN'S OBSERVATION Older women at parties tend to look like government buildings.	MARK RUSSEL ON ASTRONOMY The rings of Saturn are composed of lost airline luggage (That is why more are discovered everyday).
SECRET OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE T he sun does not set on the British Empire because God does not trust the British in the dark.	WINNER'S LAW OF TEAMWORK A team effort is a lot of people doing what I tell them.
BERNIE'S RETRIBUTION To err is human but to really foul up you need a computer .	STEVE PEARL'S ASTONISHMENT I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperms you were the fastest one!
MACHIAVELI’S ADVICE Do not hesitate to give away something that does not belong to you.	AI’S STOCHASTIC RAY OF HOPE You can not be unlucky all the time.

See also GR’s fun “Good Quotations by Famous People”